FAQ

Are these questions really frequently asked?

No. 

Have they ever been asked at all?

No.

So you are in fact asking these questions to yourself.

Yes. And that wasn’t a question.

Do you like yourself?

Once in a while. 

You’re joking, right? You like yourself more than once in a while, don’t you?

No.

Aren’t you getting off topic?

Yes.

When did you become a vegan?

September 10, 2010.

How old were you at that point?

Almost half a hundred years old.

What was your last meat meal?

Arby’s.

Which Arby’s?

It was in Michigan. Do you want me to look it up?

Yes. Would you?

Okay, I did. I think it was the one in Coopersville but it might have been the one in Walker.

What did you eat?

Meatwise, or everything?

Meat, dairy and eggwise.

1 Super Arby’s and 1 Regular Roast Beef sandwich.

Was there a reason you chose those items?

Those were my favorite items at Arby’s.

Was there a reason you chose Arby’s for your last meat meal?

It just kind of worked out that way. However, my dad and I used to go to Arby’s when I was a kid, and I had fond memories of it. So it was a pretty special and fitting final meat meal. 

Don’t you think it’s f’d up that you’re calling a meat meal “special” and associating the slaughter and consumption of animals with parental closeness?

Yup. 

Why did you put the answers in italics instead of the questions?

Instinct.

Did you go vegan gradually or cold turkey?

Cold tofurky. Get it? Hahahahahaha. 

Good one. Why’d you do it that way?

I thought that given my personality it was the best way to go. I was in Michigan for a few days and had made the decision to go vegan on my return to LA. 

So you live in LA?

Yes. 

Where?

Eat me. 

So has it been hard being vegan?

No. 

Not at all?

You mean foodwise or socially?

Any way.

Foodwise, no. Much easier than I thought. Maybe it would have been hard three, five, ten years ago, but now there are many choices, at least here in LA.

Do you miss the foods you have given up?

Hardly ever. Didn’t you ask me that already?

I don’t think I did. So you don’t find it limiting?

No. I find that I’m eating a greater variety of foods by placing a limitation on myself than I ever did when my choices were unlimited.  

Well put.

Thank you.

What is your favorite vegan food?

This is getting trite.

Just answer the question.

I don’t know that I have a favorite. Maybe the vegan steak sandwich at Green Peas in Culver City. Not the the one with “Rolling” in the title, the other one. 

Is that the place near the ice skating rink?

Yes.

I’ve been meaning to try that place.

You should. It’s got good meat choices too if you’re eating with a meat-eater.

By “good” do you mean morally good?

Are we almost done?

A few more questions.

*sigh*

Do you know a lot of vegans?

No.

Do you ever eat with other vegans?

No.

And what about socially?

What?

I was asking if it’s hard being a vegan foodwise or socially?

Oh, that was a while ago. 

Who cares when it was. Answer the question.

Socially, I suppose yes, but I don’t really care. 

Don’t really care because you believe in what you’re doing or don’t really care because part of you enjoys annoying people?

I’m touching my nose with the tip of my finger. 

I could have guessed that about you.

That I touch my nose with the tip of my finger?

That you enjoy annoying people.

Can I go now?

Yes, and remember to have Cynthia validate your parking.